VACATION IN BRAZIL (RECUERDA POR QUÉ EMPEZASTE)

I promised a lot of people that I would start writing again. I never thought the trigger would be on a Wednesday (which has always been my chronicle day), and because of the drawing of a cat wearing a hat and bracelets, pointing to the words “RECUERDA POR QUÉ EMPEZASTE (remember why you started).

@esegonza.r

That sentence made me feel sick to my stomach. I remember it very well. I had just started a new life in Colombia, and I decided to spend a vacation in Brazil. Out of nowhere: closed borders, broken hearts, masks that hid the many faces of horror and the few smiles too. Lots of tears, lots of people leaving forever, lots of emptiness...

But I stayed, and I promised myself that in 5 years I would no longer be that person. The person who was afraid of everything and everyone. Even herself. I took lots of pictures, said goodbye to Salvador (the city where I was living) and went to face my demons.

I faced my body, my mind, my family, my past and everything that I saw as bad and that made me who I was, with the intention of transforming and re-signifying all those things into something good that would make me the woman I have become today.

I took care of what was in my hands, got a job, enrolled in college, and lost weight. I untied some ties, tightened others; and even with the loss of my cat and some bad decisions along the way, I managed to set up an apartment, graduated, and took an international trip alone.

The only fear I had left was the fear of starting again. Empezar. And when I came back from my trip, it hit me. What now? Indeed, it is time to start again.

And look how funny: 5 years ago, I arrived to spend my vacation here in Brazil, and now I'm about to leave again, I mean… maybe it was a just a vacation, but a really-really long one.

How about you? Do you remember why you started?

@esegonza.r